Johnson finished at 1-over 289, matching a Masters record last set in 1956 for highest winning score. And it ended a streak of the winner coming out of the final group at Augusta National ever year since 1991.It's about time Tiger let a white guy win something. All the oppression our forefathers endured makes this victory all the more sweeter. Wait, I think I have that backwards.
British football fans (they mean soccer, silly Brits) have been in a stand-off with Rome police after Manchester United tied with AS Roma. The Guardian writes:On Tuesday United warned the 6,000 fans travelling to the game to take care. A message posted on the club's website told supporters to avoid certain areas of the city and not to use the city's metro because of a "real danger of being attacked by the 'Ultra' fans of AS Roma"Who the fuck holds a sporting competition and allows a tie? Granted it's Commie Kickball, but when the fans are bigger badasses than the athletes, you have a problem. Brad Pitt and I tied for sexiest man of alive. But instead of fighting, we held a pose-off. I threatened to kidnap Shiloh if he didn't concede victory. I won.
Pat Summit and the Lady Volunteers were able to win the WNCAA National Championship, their first in 9 seasons. CNNSI writes:The Lady Vols wanted this title -- badly. Almost from the outset, they outworked the young Scarlet Knights (27-9), who waited until the final game of an improbable tournament run to show their inexperience.You may or may not know this but during halftime, Coach Summit promised the ladies a trip to Disneyland with me. The dejected faces looked up to Summit and huddled together. "There's no way we lose this one guys. Do it for coach. Do it for Sean." But then I remembered they're all lesbians, and I look sort of feminine. Damn them.
Today marked Opening Day for the rest of the MLB. And who couldn't be more excited about the start of the season? I mean each team only plays a paltry 161 more games. For this brief moment, every fan in the league believes their team has a legitimate shot at the pennant. Kind of like all the beautiful women I have to turn down when I go out to the bars. I can't help it, ladies. I only have so much sexiness to go around.
